I Hate Her For This...

PDawg knows how much I despise these things, and so, she thought it would be fun to torture me. It will, however, be interesting to see how many of these answers we have in common, what with the whole brain-sharing thing we have going on.

1. Your name spelled backwards.
maz
2. Where were your parents born?
Mami’s from Cuba; Papi’s from Puerto Rico
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
This blasted survey (thanks, dawg *slap*)
4. What is your favorite restaurant?
Perry’s Grille
5. Last time you swam in a pool?
A few days before my peliculectomy
6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Yes, several
7. How many kids do you want?
Zero!
8. Type of music you dislike most?
Toss up between Country and Gangsta Rap and if Gangsta Country ever surfaces, I will die.
9. Are you registered to vote?
Yes
10. Do you have cable?
Yes
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Yes
12. Ever prank call anybody?
sure
13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Yes, dammit…
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Oh heck yeah!
15. Farthest place you ever traveled.
Puerto Rico
16. Do you have a garden?
Nope
17. What’s your favorite comic strip?
Gary Larson’s: The Far Side
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
yep
19. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month?
Kill Bill vol 2
20. Favorite pizza topping?
Pepperoni!
21. Chips or popcorn?
Chips!
22. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
Can’t recall the name of the shade, but it’s Lipfinity #130
23. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
You can smoke peanut shells? Do you roll them or use a bong?
24. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Pfftth…no.
25. Orange Juice or apple?
Apple!
26. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
The parental units; Chan’s Chinese restaurant
27. Favorite type chocolate bar?
Hershey’s with almonds
28. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
Last year, I think…
29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
*drool* Last month some time
30. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yes, but I’m a nerd, so it was math related
31. Are you a good cook?
*pause* WAHAHAHAHAHA!!! NO!
32. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Of course!
33. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
Yes, some kind of ab-thingy for my sister
34. Sprite or 7-up?
Sprite!
35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yes, when I worked at that pizza place
36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Pain meds
37. Ever throw up in public?
Eew…no
38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Show me the love, baby
39. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nah
40. Ever call a 1-900 number?
Yes, but not that kind
41. Can exes be friends?
Oh, f-ing heck no!
42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
My gran’ma
43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
Think so
44. What message is on your answering machine?
Home: “You’ve reached (555)555-5555. Please leave a message.” Cell phone: “Hey, it’s [zam], say something after the beep.” Work: “You’ve reached the desk of [Zam Zamsterson] at [insert name of company]. Please leave a message.”
45. What’s your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Does Weekend Update count?
46. What was the name of your first pet?
Dutchess
47. What is in your purse?
Wallet, MP3 player, feminine hygiene product of choice, keys, cell phone, hair thingy
48. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Poke fun at PDawg via AIM
49. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
I found my misplaced jump drive – the one containing all of the Statistics and Java homework I did this weekend. *faint*

A Scientific Experiment

There is a meme floating around out there that has popped up on several blogs that I read. I am not usually a meme kind of gal, but I thought that this might be fun to use to illustrate the similarities that exist between the brains of the two proprietors of this blog. So, here is my version of the survey. Zam's will soon follow.

Compare and contrast. Discuss amongst yourselves.

1. Your name spelled backwards.
Gwadp
2. Where were your parents born?
Pennsylvania
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Morrissey’s “Let Me Kiss You”
4. What is your favorite restaurant?
Hmm… either Teapot Japanese and Chinese Restaurant or La Cocina Mexicana
5. Last time you swam in a pool?
Last summer
6. Have you ever been in a school play?
“Toga Toga Toga” in 11th Grade—starring as “Miss Woebegone."
7. How many kids do you want?
I don’t really need any right now—I get about 150 new ones every September
8. Type of music you dislike most?
Country—without a doubt
9. Are you registered to vote?
Hell yes.
10. Do you have cable?
Yup. Where would I be without my "Cold Case Files" and "The New Detectives?"
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Nope.
12. Ever prank call anybody?
Does calling and hanging up without saying a word count?
13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Parking, no. Speeding, yes.
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Both practices intrigue me, but I doubt I would have the cojones.
15. Farthest place you ever traveled.
Bahamas and Dominican Republic
16. Do you have a garden?
Nah.
17. What’s your favorite comic strip?
Calvin & Hobbes, hands down.
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Sure do. And, I know a lot of the Declaration of Independence, The Gettysburg Address, and Patrick Henry’s Speech to the Virginia Convention—“Give me liberty, or give me death.” (I’m not a freak—I teach American Lit. Or, maybe I am a freak for teaching American Lit. ...)
19. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month?
“Collateral” or “Anchorman”
20. Favorite pizza topping?
‘Shrooms
21. Chips or popcorn?
‘Corn
22. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
That's assuming that I wear some. Is Carmex a color?
23. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
Huh?
24. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
*pause* ... WAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
25. Orange Juice or apple?
Whoa…orange fo’ sho’. No pulp, please.
26. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
Dinner...hmm...I think it was with the Suz and Jeff at the K-Town Tavern.
27. Favorite type chocolate bar?
I don’t really like chocolate all that much, but my fave is the 100,000 Grand bar or Special Dark.
28. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
At the primary.
29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Just last week.
30. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yeah…a few…
31. Are you a good cook?
I would like to think so.
32. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Of course. Seriously, outside of NJ, who doesn’t?
33. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
Heck yeah. My Ginsu knife still cuts to this day.
34. Sprite or 7-up?
Sprite.
35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Oh, yes. Back in my days as a security guard in college…
36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
In the area of actual drugs? That would be last year, my prescription for Cipro…see number 37.
37. Ever throw up in public?
No, but I had a close call last year after my bout with the Carribean Death Bug. As we were getting ready to board the shuttle to the airport, I almost blew chunks. To this day, I don’t know how I kept it in.
38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
I would prefer to find true love with a millionaire. Ah, ok….I’ll take “to blave.”
39. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Oh yes.
40. Ever call a 1-900 number?
Nope.
41. Can exes be friends?
I think so. Except for Zam’s.
42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
The Suz’s mom 2 years ago when she had an emergency appendectomy.
43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
I had nary a strand until I was 2 years old. Bald as a bowling ball, I'm afraid.
44. What message is on your answering machine?
Generic, boring, “Hi, you’ve reached PDawg….Leave a message.”
45. What’s your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Helen Madden, the “joyologist” played by Molly Shannon.
46. What was the name of your first pet?
Sherlock--basset hound, extrordinaire
47. What is in your purse?
What purse?
48. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Read or chat with a good friend online. *grin*
49. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
I am grateful for the good fortune, friends, family, and opportunities I have in my life.

Bring it on, Zam.

CrankyPants, here.

Well, we all knew it would come to this.

Three entire months off, and now, tomorrow, I must return to work.

*sigh*

The good part, I guess, is that I went in to school 3 days last week and totally prepared my classroom, so, I was able to take the last week that I had left and just lounge. So, now, today, I know that co-workers are scrambling furiously on their last day of vacation, in school, to get their rooms ready. I, however, am here at home, lounging about, and debating whether or not I want to call my stylist and see if I can squeeze in a cut and highlight before tomorrow.

And, so, in honor of the end of my summer, I give you The Cure.

The Cure - The Last Day of Summer
[Sorry, Charlie. All gone.]

Look Out!

Both sides of this brain are heading back to school this week – one as teacher, the other as student.

The older, wiser, crankier proprietor of this blog is returning to class to preside, as teacher extraordinaire, over hundreds of little urban cherubs, eager to learn all the intricacies of the English language. And really, who wouldn’t feel a twinge of moodiness as the end of a months-long vacation draws near?

In past years, we have joked about constructing a line graph charting PDawg’s mood throughout the school year. I think, perhaps, now that we have an actual living, breathing blog pertaining to both of us, I will find the motivation to do just that and post it here, so that you too can plot the course of her temperament. It will be like those Storm Tracker charts that are available at every grocery store (for those of us living on or near the coast) during hurricane season.

The younger, less cranky contributor to this page (that would be me) hits the classroom tonight to reprise her role as Career Student, in an epic saga of indecision and noncommitment.

You know that Nirvana album with the picture of the naked baby in the water, reaching for that dollar bill? Replace that dollar bill with a degree and the baby with me, and…wait…that’s a horrible mental image. Sorry. But you know what I mean. Hundreds of professors at the university will have died and retired by the time I graduate.

It’s a new semester for both of us, friends. Stand by for some quality ranting.

You Ain't Kidding, Dawg...

I was standing in line at the video store this evening, movies in hand, when I reached into my purse and grabbed my wallet just in time for the teenie-bopper behind the counter to say, “May, I help you ma’am?”

I handed her my movies, opened up my wallet and nearly fainted upon seeing the little slot that holds my credit card empty. And not just any card, either, it was my bank card that was missing. My Visa Check Card, the portal to my hard-earned money. Missing. I just stood there for the longest time, willing that darn card to materialize before me. Didn’t happen…

I handed the chick another form of plastic and raced out to my car where I proceeded to dump the entire contents of my wallet, and purse onto my passenger seat. No luck.

I keep retracing my steps and the best I can figure is that I left it at that Thai place I went to for lunch today. Naturally, they were closed when I called them, so I have to wait until they open tomorrow to find out if they have it.

Man, Dawg, that lunch could wind up costing me way more than $6.95.

*sigh*

Friday the 13th Fo' Sho'

Dude, what a crappy day I had. Just thought I would share that.

And, just for future knowledge, Retractable Sharpies do, in fact, make all things better.

Thanks for the suggestion, hermanita.

PsychoFreakBoy Strikes Again

I got another letter in the mail from my psycho ex-boyfriend, the second in just several weeks. Hey, at least he’s mailing them now instead of tucking them under the wiper blade of my truck.

And you know the strangest part? His tone in this most recent letter, was as if he were writing to someone whom he had contact with more recently than the day they broke up, almost two years ago. He even inquired of my schooling and my family as if I were going to snatch up a pen and write him back.

I cannot help but wonder what on Earth is going through this guy’s head when he is writes “I love you”; licks the envelope; affixes the stamp…

Why? Why continue to write letters that have, for almost two years, gone unanswered?

I had a heated debate with a coworker who insists that the fact that I read his letters at all indicates that I still have feelings for him, regardless of the fact that I just throw them away afterward. I can honestly say that this is not the truth. I thought long and hard about this coworker’s statement and came to the conclusion that I feel absolutely nothing for my ex-boyfriend. Not regret. Not longing. Not wonder. Not anger. Nothing.

I’m just nosy and have been curious about what in the world this guy could have to say after all this time. I have decided, however, that I will no longer read them. I have decided that out of respect for my current relationship and the man that I love, I will simply write the words NOT AT THIS ADDRESS. RETURN TO SENDER, on any envelope addressed to me from stalker-boy. Hopefully after a couple of returned letters, he’ll give up and finally leave me alone.

Guys are weird…and occasionally smelly.

PDawg Has Some Donkey-Sized Cojones

Ok, so maybe she is outnumbering me in posts, but PDawg is older and wiser than I am, and so, that is to be expected.

Many of you are here because you frequent our individual blogs, and if you are thinking that combining the creative (and I use that term loosely) efforts of two of the Blogosphere’s most conspicuous slackers could only result in a collectively more lazy, shiftless, and directionless body of work, well, you are absolutely right.

PDawg is also correct in asserting the transitive properties of our lameness, manifested in the hub of indolence you see before you. Not totally unexpected for a blog whose conception was wholly brought on by a summer vacation and an unfortunate foot deformity.

Give us some time, though; we are sure to become your favorite wayward blog.

PDawg 4, Zam 1

I am winning. This is my 4th post here. Woo hoo!

My cohort, however, has posted solamente uno vez. (She's a slacker.)

Of course, this post lacks quite a bit of substance. But, it does, in fact, reinforce the belief (which we heartily asserted when we began this endeavor) that as a duo, we are doubly as lame as we are as individuals.

Anyway, this is basically a "Get off your ass and post, Zam" post. :)
Hee!

Oh, and, YAY, Amazing Race 5 tonight! Keep rooting for those Bowling Moms and Charla and Mirna! (Now maybe I will have something to post about...)

She can't whistle, but...

...ask her to stack some palettes with trash cans on them, and she can certainly do THAT, no problemo!

Hey, we can't ALL be superior certified forklift operators...

My Confession

Ok, here’s the thing. I’m just going to come right out and share this with you despite the lack of support and the negative reaction that I have received from someone who shall remain nameless (however, her initials are PDAWG).

This is something that is very difficult to talk about because I know how “people like me” are perceived, but I am going to be very honest because I feel that if I am going to have you guys read this, then at the very least I owe you the truth. And this is a blog after all, a forum in which I should be comfortable in releasing some emotional stress without fear of judgment. So here goes:

I can’t whistle.

There. I said it. I can’t whistle. Wow, I said it again. How strange it feels to hear myself actually say it.

Yes, I’ve tried! Look, it’s not as if I made a conscious decision to be a non-whistler. I didn’t choose to be this way! Who would choose this life? It has nothing to do with the way I was raised, either. I first realized it in elementary school…in gym class.

I can’t whistle and you can either choose to accept me and love me anyway or not, but I can’t go on pretending, or…or trying to be like everyone else. This is who I am and, besides, it’s chapping my lips.

It’s not just a phase! Do you have any idea what it’s been like to spend my entire life having to go, “WOOOOOO!….WOOOOOO!….WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” at concerts and sporting events while everyone around me is whistling? Do you?

I’m still the same person. I’m still me. Zam. Zam, I am.

*sigh*

I feel good. Yeah, I think I'm feeling good about this. It's as though a weight has been lifted.

Thanks for listening.

This show sucks.

Consider this post a pre-emptive strike.

I greatly disliked "Amish in the City." GREATLY. Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.

As someone who lives in the heart of Amish and Mennonite country (since the Amish originally settled in Pennsylvania), the whole thing is just incredibly exploitative of these kids during their period of rumspringa. True, what better way to spend your rumspringa than in a luxury apartment in L.A. where every thing is paid for and the best of everything is at your fingertips? However, I would hate to see one of these Amish kids leave their way of life based on their experiences on this show.

The Amish actually do a good job on their own of living it up during their rumspringa--watch "Devil's Playground" and you will see the sex, drugs, and all-out debauchery--and they are not all innocent as most people would believe. A few years back, there was a major drug ring that was busted up down in Lancaster county. Yes, you guessed it--it was run by the Amish. The Stoltzfus clan had been trafficking drugs in both the Amish and the "English" communities.

Also, I totally HATE the city kids on that show. Could they pick a worse representation of what American society is? Those kids openly mocked the Amish kids for being who they are, and for their way of life. You cannot tell me that if this show were called "Jewish in the City" or "Asian in the City" or "________ in the City" that UPN wouldn't be in a WHOLE heap of trouble if the kids in the house mocked the Jews or Asians or whatever group you choose to insert in the blank the way that they mocked the Amish. But, because they are Amish, it's ok.

Whatever, dude.

The only redeeming quality of the show is that the Amish are doing a good job of making asses out of most of those stupid city kids. Case in point:

Ariel, the resident airhead and vegan/vegetarian was having a debate with Mose, the Amish dude, over the eating of meat and eggs. Of course, this is basically ALL that the Amish eat.

Mose: Abraham Lincoln had eggs for breakfast every day.

Ariel: Yeah, and I bet he died at, like, 35.

Mose: Yeah, but not from eggs.

Yes, they are THAT stupid.

Again, I hate this show.

But What Does It All Mean - The Distance and the Sub-Cerebral Connection?

A high school English teacher in Pennsylvania, a software analyst in Texas; by all accounts, strangers. Yet, the pair is mysteriously bound by trans-continental brain waves. Their thoughts regularly cross vast plains and rivers wide, firing biting sarcasm and a fervid passion for office supplies into two brains that co-exist on opposite ends of the internet.

Kismet? Could be…

Paths that crossed by coincidence on the web over two years ago have led to a quirky (and often ridiculous) friendship that has kept both of us up way past our bedtimes on work nights; often, we find ourselves clacking away hours-long conversations via AIM, caught in the throws of giggle-fits over things that could only be funny to a couple of dorks like us who share a brain.

Things like Zam’s inability to spell after 10pm and PDawg’s unique talent for butchering the Spanish language in THE most hilarious way EVER (it’s an endearing quality, I’ve been told…) are just a minute part of all there is to look forward to. We are the technological equivalent of Chang and Eng, world-famous conjoined twins. We can’t explain how we have come to share a brain. We just do.

And now we share a blog, as well.

We haven’t quite decided what we want to do or say here, in this shared snippet of cyber space. We have only decided that we wanted to do and say something.

So, here we are. What do you think?

~Zam & PDawg